1) Stay Calm In An Emergency: Don’t Worry Girls…I’ve got The Fondue, Throw me a lifesaver….Butterscotch or Wintergreen?
2) There Is Nothing More Frightening Than A Perm: It was a cold and rainy day in March. I went to Kristoff's where I usually get my hair done but Kristoff wasn't there. He had mysteriously disappeared. In his place was a stranger named Rinaldo. I'll never forget him. His eyes were steely gray. His hands were like ice. He said, "I'll streak your hair and I'll give you a body wave." He worked very fast and then, as he turned my chair around to face the mirror, I saw it. He permed me!
3) Too Many Accessories Clutter An Outfit: Patches…we don’t need no stinkin patches…
4) Play To Your Strengths: I may be a beginner at some things, but I've got a black belt in shopping!
5) Never Trust a Redfeather: Stinking redfeathers covered every inch of our turf
6) When Life Gives You Lemons - Go To The Beverly Hills Hotel For Some Lemonade: Her recommendations for a campsite were totally unsuitable. There were no outlets. And there was dirt, and bugs, and... and it rains there. So anyway, we've found a place that's much more us: the Beverly Hills Hotel.
7) Not Your Style – Alter It: It's not that bad…Not that bad?!? Except the color's wrong, the collar's wrong, the material's a nightmare from hell. It's cut badly, it itches, and it's not me. But all of that can be fixed.
8) Speak With Authority: Excuse me officer, do you know who this man is? (Cool it Jasmine) You're too modest daddy. This is the man who put the space in springston's teeth. The man who knocked the hat of hatler's head. He's the best, he's the greatest, he's MY daddy. James the Jackhammer Shackon. Now daddy, shake the man's hand and let's be on our way.
9) Deny, Deny, Deny: I was not spying on your dad! I was checking my azaleas.
10) Wilderness Girls Don’t Bluff
11) First Impressions Are Critical: Annie Herman Boy-yoi-yoing!.....Dictator…Mrs Dictator….Aww Chica Barnfel our first arrival!
12) Be Resourceful: Wouldn’t it save time and a little shoe leather if we hosted a star studded telethon….Johnny could host or Merve?
Khaki Wishes and Cookie Dreams to you all!
This post is dedicated to my fellow TBH uber fan – Dammy!!! xoxo
http://www2.timesdispatch.com/news/news/2010/jul/28/defense-secretary-governor-help-greet-boy-scouts-ar-353083/
ReplyDeleteEverything I need to know, I learned from Mean Girls:
ReplyDelete1. Personal Presence: You smell like a baby prostitute // Somebody wrote in that book that I'm lying about being a virgin because I use super jumbo tampons... but I can't help it if I've got a heavy flow and a wide set vagina! // That's why her hair is so big, it's full of secrets.
2. How to handle confrontation: Jason, you do not come to a party at my house with Gretchen and then scam on some poor innocent girl right in front of us three days later. She's not interested. Do you want to have sex with him?--No Thank You--Good. So it's settled. So you can go shave your back now. Bye, Jason // Hey! Get out of here--Oh My God, Danny DeVito I love your work!
3. How to apologize: Alyssa, I'm sorry I called you a gap-toothed bitch. It's not your fault you're so gap-toothed // Gretchen, I'm sorry for laughing at you that time you got diarrhea at Barnes & Noble, and I"m sorry for telling everyone about it...and I'm sorry for repeating it now.
4. Fashion Advice: We only wear our hair up once a week, so I guess you picked today. We only wear jeans or track pants on Fridays. And on Wednesdays, we wear pink! // Whatever, those rules aren't real--They were real that day I wore a vest--- Because that vest was disgusting! // My nana takes her wig off when she's drunk. // Well, I mean you wouldn't buy a skirt without asking your friends first if it looks good on you--I wouldn't? --Right. // Oh my god I love that skirt, where did you get it?--It was my Mom's in the 80s--Vintage! So adorable----That's the ugliest f-ing skirt I've ever seen.
5. Dieting: Do you wanna do something fun? Wanna go to taco bell? -- I can't go to Taco Bell I'm on an all carb diet! // Is butter a carb? // I don't hate you cuz you're fat...you're fat cuz I hate you // I'm only eating foods with less than 30 percent calories from fat....whatever, I"m getting cheese fries!
6. Self Image: So you agree? You think you're really pretty? // You're a regulation hottie // There are no rules in this house, I'm not a regular Mom, I'm a Cool Mom! // At least you guys can wear halters, I've got man shoulders---My pores are huge--my nail beds suck--I have really bad breath in the morning-- ew.
7. Religion: And on the third day, God created the Remington bolt-action rifle, so that man could fight the dinosaurs...and the hom-o-sexuals. Amen.
8. Dating and Romance: I only date women of color // Are you Puerto Rican??--Lebanese--I feel that. // Irregardless, ex-boyfriends are just off limits to friends. I mean that's just like the rules of feminism // Did you see nipple? It only counts if you saw a nipple